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A Time to Love, Just Not Ours
by GoGo DeLeon


I remember sitting in class,
the teacher rambling on and on about this and that,
you with your head down,
too occupied with boredom to pay any mind.
Then, suddenly, your eyes looked straight at me:
oblivious, full of unknowing.
You had no idea of the power those azure eyes held.
No clue of how your soft, shiny auburn hair,
parted perfectly in the middle,
made my head spin.
Spin so fast that I needed to grip the edge of my seat
to keep from falling,
but it was too late,
for I had already fallen, fallen on every floor you stood.
I looked away, figuring I had stared far too long,
I couldn’t help but imagine your stellar smile,
dazzled at the recall.
When you started to talk, no matter what you happened to tell me that day,
I was happy, happy to sit behind you.
The only thing that mattered was you were talking to me.
You had stopped telling your story as the door opened and she walked in.
I saw your eyes turn, never leaving her flawless complexion.
She was indeed beautiful:
her eyes almost a sparkled blue like yours,
and her blonde hair flowed down with elegance.
I imagined you looked at her,
the same way I did you.
Immediately, the conversation was over,
no ending, no far-fetched climax, just over.
I turned away to face my friend,
you hadn’t even noticed my shifted position.
As a boy, I’d wanted nothing more than to fall.
To love someone so much it takes the breath out of my chest;
broken beyond repair, the pain of it all never really goes away.
Yet instead, I could only watch from a distance and imagine all its thrills in my head.
There was no chance of a miracle and no fairy godmother to come to my aid.
That’s when I saw the truth, the reality was simple,
the highs and lows of being yours were not possible,
they never would be.
After you were gone, I’d still catch myself searching desperately in a crowded room,
praying I saw your smile.
You killed me, again and again,
yet still, I dreamed of what we would never become,
yet still I sat awaiting your call,
hoping to hear the melody of a ringing phone.
The delightful stings of your sincerity created an unimaginable pain in my chest,
If only you’d spoken those three words,
then maybe my throat would not have burned.
Today, the wind blows and cherry blossoms bloom fresh on the trees.
The season brings light and vibrance to the once gloomy world.
Hummingbirds soar high and proud in the sky,
the cloud’s soft touch on their open wings.
Somewhere, on this day, a man with perfect, grayed auburn hair
has a breathtaking smile stretched across his matured face.
Next to him, is a gorgeous woman,
her timeless, blonde hair cut just below the shoulder,
the skin on her face,
still a decade away from wrinkling.
They are surrounded by beaming children,
two boys with auburn hair and a little girl with blonde,
all three with eyes blue like the clearest of seas.
Elsewhere, far away from the beautiful family,
a man receives a kiss from his husband as he rushes off to work.
His eyes follow his adoring partner out the door,
and are met with a gleaming hazel, full of intimacy.
The husband turns and the man catches a glimpse of his beloved black hair.
The smile on his face stays long after his departure.
He reminisces back to his youth,
when he was infatuated with the boy he sat behind.
He laughed at the recollection and went on with his day,
only to be stopped by the ring of a phone,
his eyes stared longingly as the ring continued.


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