Ephemeral is Jericho
By Halle Skinner

The water glimmers so pristine and glorious as the waves ripple across the surface in tune with each hop and jump the little frog takes. Cerulean blue cascading and coated with fluffy white bubbles that pop against the warm air. Little dots sparklingly around the lake shimmering on the surface of the water. I am treading water in the center trying to keep myself afloat with each wave that passes over me. It rocks my body and soul but swallows me in its cool embrace.  

 

My child rests just outside of the lake, watching and waiting, they have been for some time. Simply waiting for the right time to come back to me and let me hold them in my arms for the very first time. My child waits just outside of my grasp resting on the shoreline, with an immaculate coating of ephemeral glow. I know they were only with me for a moment, trapped beneath the layers of my flesh and then expelled with a small gush of blood seeping into the cotton pad beneath my legs. The pseudo labor that pushed each clot and piece of the child I will never know, cramps in my lower extremities and grief tied like a self made noose around my throat.  

 

If I close my eyes I can picture the curly whips of hair peeking out from behind my baby's ears. A smile that mirrors your father’s so bright and beautiful. Written in the stars is your name that shall never be given to a living breathing child but has been given to you. The dream of treading water in a lake with you just ashore is a curious memory that is now washed away with each wave that passes over my body. I envision you between my palms resting peacefully instead of the dot on the page of the black and white photo. Instead of dot you are here but if you were here I would not be the same, my heart holds a missing chunk that was self inflicted through the love of my life and the love for you. I could not be the warm sand in between your toes and so I tread water and I wait until I can see you again.